托福作文求批改

独立写作：do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
Parents should allow children to make mistakes and let them learn from them.
我的作文：
Parents’ education has always been
an important part I children’s growth. It is understandable that parents want
their children to enrich their knowledge. Accordingly, some people hold the
view that parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them to
learn from the experience. From my point of view, I disagree.

Admittedly, mistakes enables
children to discern what's correct and what's wrong, thus they can know how to
address the same problem next time. It is no hard job to imagine that a child
who touched the boiling water will no longer do the same thing again. The undesirable
results can impress children a lot, so they get impressive experience from
mistakes. However, it is not the case in reality.

For one thing, some mistakes could
be too serious to make up. Consider taking drugs. A child may be curious about them
and take them for fun. It is too late to correct the mistake once it happens. What
we only get is regret, and drawing experience from this will make no sense. Consider
suicide. A child who feels confused about his future may choose committing
suicide to put himself to an end. Consider theft. A child steals without
prevention from parents will eventually be caught and confront sanction. Tragedy
happens from time to time if parents allow their children to make mistakes no
matter what they are.

For another thing, there are
better ways for parents to help their children draw experience. They can take
themselves as examples. Telling their mistakes when they were youngsters to their
children not only gives the children a chance of learning and avoiding making
the same mistake again, but also promotes the relationship between parents and
children. Besides, children can watch educational and informative TV programs. By
watching Laws Online, children will get to know the consequence of criminals
and try to obey laws. By watching Tactics in Work, children will have a closer
look at how to study efficiently and get useful information as much as possible.
By watching Lives of Celebrities, children will be better informed about how to
lead a meaningful life and make contribution to the society.

All in all, taking the vast
disadvantage into account, by no means should parents allow their children to
make mistakes to learn. After all, there are always better approaches for
success.

模板化太严重，解释说明不够具体，感觉只有一个框架在支撑。所以你需要做的是，丰富文章内容，让文章活起来。如果觉得我的建议可能能帮到你，邮件交流。[email protected]

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