跪求下面新闻稿的翻译，高手请帮忙，急急急

急求下面新闻稿的翻译，请帮忙翻译一下，要求准确，幽默，文章如下：
新闻联播

男播音员（以下简称男）：观众朋友们，大家好，今天2010年5月5日，星期三，农历3月22
女播音员（以下简称女）：欢迎大家收看今天的新闻联播节目。
男：今天的主要内容有：
女：男生宿舍301,302，303和女生宿舍110四方代表在301举行会晤。就各方关心的问题举行了会谈。并达成广泛共识。
男：男生宿舍302,303和女生宿舍110四方代表于今天下午5时许步行抵达301宿舍，301宿舍代表全体社员表示热烈的欢迎。
女：在欢迎仪式上，A说：“首先我瑾代表301宿舍所有成员以及以我个人名义对你们的到来表示热烈欢迎。
男 ：欢迎仪式结束后，各方代表就最近各方关心的问题举行了会谈。B主持了这次会议：
女：在诚挚友好，互邻合作的良好氛围中，各方代表就如何解决男生单生问题交换了意见。并取得广泛共识
男：C社长在会上表示：302.303以及女生宿舍110一直以来都保持和谐发展的良好关系。在追求女生时要相互帮助，如：帮忙转发情书，转发短信等

女： 对此，D表示强烈赞同。他认为:随着近年来男女比例严重失调的情况下，男生在努力搞好学习的条件下，在解决各自单生问题的更要努力。
男：E补充说：单身问题一直是困扰我们的老大难问题，着力解决此问题不仅对自身有利，同时对促进XX学院和谐校园建设有着重要意义。

女：会上F,GH提出在男女交往中遇到的问题。F说到：情书我们已经写了许多了，短信也发了不少，但是，一直没得到女生的任何回复。
男：G补充道：一直以来，我们都致力于积极与女生沟通却阻碍重重。
女：H甚至现身说法，以个人的遭遇来阐述在解决老大难问题时遇到的问题。H说：我曾经对一个女生说道：Can I have your name ？而女方的回答是：Why Don't you already have one ？
男：对于男生在解决单身问题时遇到的这些问题，女生宿舍代表I在会上表示：我们宿舍成员在今后的工作中一定积极配合各方宿舍成员，为及早解决男生单生问题，贡献微薄之力。
女：会议结束时，大家提出了一个响亮的口号：名花虽有主，我来松松土。
男：最后主持人B总结道：努力解决男生单身问题，这不仅关系到构建和谐社会，更是实现可持续发展的重要保证！
女：本台记者报道。
男：这次新闻联播到此结束，谢谢你的收看，
女：再见，男：再见。

不要软件翻译的，那样翻译出来的太不准确了。

News Network

Male announcer (hereinafter referred to as M): Ladies and gentlemen, Hello everybody, today, May 5, 2010, Wednesday, March 22 lunar

Female announcer (hereinafter referred to as F): Welcome to today's news watching network programming.

M: Today, the main elements are:

Female: male dormitory 301,302,303 and 110 women's dormitory on behalf of the Quartet met in 301. Issues of concern to the parties held talks. , And reached broad consensus.

M: male dormitory 302,303 and the women's dormitory on behalf of 110 square foot in the afternoon arrived around 5 pm, 301 houses, 301 houses on behalf of all members a warm welcome.

Female: At the welcoming ceremony, A said: "First, I Jin, and on behalf of all members of the 301 houses in my own name on your warm welcome.

M: After the welcoming ceremony, representatives of the parties concerned on the recent issue of the parties held talks. B, chaired the meeting:

Women: In a sincere friendship, mutual cooperation, good atmosphere in the neighborhood, representatives of the parties on how to solve the single men exchanged views on students. And achieved a broad consensus

M: C president, said at the meeting: 302.303 and 110 women's dormitory has been to maintain the harmonious development of good relations. When in the pursuit of girls to help each other, such as: to help forward a love letter, forwarding messages, etc.

Female: this, D strongly agree. He said: With the serious imbalance in sex ratio in recent years, the case of boys in their efforts to improve learning conditions, students in solving their problems alone have to work harder.

M: E added: single issue has been a chronic problem plaguing us, efforts to solve this problem not only for their own benefit, while promoting the building of a harmonious campus XX University of great significance.

Female: this, D strongly agree. He said: With the serious imbalance in sex ratio in recent years, the case of boys in their efforts to improve learning conditions, students in solving their problems alone have to work harder.

M: E added: single issue has been a chronic problem plaguing us, efforts to solve this problem not only for their own benefit, while promoting the building of a harmonious campus XX University of great significance.

Female: at F, GH proposed exchanges in men and women problems. F said: We have written many love letters, and text messaging has made a lot, but the girls had never received any response.

M: G added: All along, we are committed to actively communicate with the girls but a lot of difficulties.

F: H or even own experiences to personal experiences to illustrate the problem in resolving the persistent problems encountered. H said: I have a girl said: Can I have your name? The woman's answer is: Why Don't you already have one?

M: For the boys single problem encountered in solving these issues, women's dormitory at the conference I 代表: Members in the coming quarters of our work is bound to actively cooperate with all members of the quarters, for the early solution of the boys Shan health problems, contribute little the force.

Women: At the end, we propose a resounding slogan: Although the main flower name, I'll loosely soil.

M: the last host B concluded: efforts to address the problem single men, not only to build a harmonious society is an important guarantee for the achievement of sustainable development!

Female: The station's correspondent reported.

M: The news network is now over, thank you for watching,

Female: Goodbye, Man: Goodbye.

谷歌有全文翻译，去试试吧

够长的，而且有点专业，收费翻译要不？

男播音员（以下简称男）：观众朋友们，大家好，今天2010年5月5日，星期三，农历3月22 女播音员（以下简称女）：欢迎大家收看今天的新闻联播节目。 男：今天的主要内容有： 女：男生宿舍301,302，303和女生宿舍110四方代表在301举行会晤。就各方关心的问题举行了会谈。并达成广泛共识。 男：男生宿舍302,303和女生宿舍110四方代表于今天下午5时许步行抵达301宿舍，301宿舍代表全体社员表示热烈的欢迎。 女：在欢迎仪式上，A说：“首先我瑾代表301宿舍所有成员以及以我个人名义对你们的到来表示热烈欢迎。 男 ：欢迎仪式结束后，各方代表就最近各方关心的问题举行了会谈。B主持了这次会议： 女：在诚挚友好，互邻合作的良好氛围中，各方代表就如何解决男生单生问题交换了意见。并取得广泛共识 男：C社长在会上表示：302.303以及女生宿舍110一直以来都保持和谐发展的良好关系。在追求女生时要相互帮助，如：帮忙转发情书，转发短信等 Male announcer (hereinafter referred to as the male) : the audience friends, everyone, today 2010 May 5, Wednesday, lunar March 22 Female announcer (hereinafter referred to as the female) : welcome to today's news broadcast programs. Male: today's main contents include: Female: boys and girls 301,302,303 dormitory four representative in the dormitory 110 301 held a meeting. Just parties held talks about the problem. And the common consensus. Man: boy and girl's dormitory 302,303 dormitory 110 square in the afternoon of 5 foot in 301, 301 dormitory on behalf of the dormitory members express the warm welcome. Female: at A welcoming ceremony, said: "first of all, I represent 301 dormitory springborg members and to my personal name to welcome you. Male: welcome ceremony ends, the parties concerned parties represent just recently held talks with the problem. B presided over the meeting: Female: mutually in sincere and friendly cooperation, adjacent to the good atmosphere, on how to solve all boys exchanged views on the diving. And a broad consensus Male: C presidents in the conference said: 302.303 and girl's dormitory 110 harmonious development has been keeping the good relationship. In pursuit of the girls to help each other forward, such as: love, forwarding message to help 女： 对此，D表示强烈赞同。他认为:随着近年来男女比例严重失调的情况下，男生在努力搞好学习的条件下，在解决各自单生问题的更要努力。 男：E补充说：单身问题一直是困扰我们的老大难问题，着力解决此问题不仅对自身有利，同时对促进XX学院和谐校园建设有着重要意义。 Female: strongly agree, D. He think: in recent years, with the imbalance in the circumstances, to study the boys in their conditions, the more questions to diving. Male: E added: single problem is always our long-standing problem to solve this problem, not only for its own advantages, and to promote the construction of harmonious campus in XX college has important significance. 女：会上F,GH提出在男女交往中遇到的问题。